Never Lose Your I

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I’ve always been passionate. It might be due to my French roots.

In love, I used to fall deep. I’d start doodling or writing poems when I’d have a guy on my mind.

In friendship, I’d be fusional. I could spend the whole day with my best friend, workout with her, go grocery shopping, and then we’d call each other for another hour or two when we’d get home.

At school or work, I had to be the number one.  

I could eat my favorite food until my tongue bled (thank you fizzy candies :)).

I would listen to my favorite song 20x a day until I get tired of it.

Basically, I could fall into obsession just as quickly as I could let go of it.

Once I’d get bored by someone, disgusted by something or mastered a skill, it'd be game over.

I’ve always needed novelty in my life, felt the need to float from one experience to another.

Until I met that my first true love...  A pure fairytale like a Romeo and Juliet story.

Different countries.

Different languages.

Different culture.

It was clearly impossible between us, but I was up for the challenge. I put all my focus on it. 

He was the only thing that mattered and I lived of love alone.

He made me the happiest but quickly enough, that happiness became dependent on him.

I followed him to his country, put my dream of New York, my family and friends behind, signed the first contract I could get and started from scratch.

I started to neglect other parts of my life. To lose track of who I was.

Realized that love wasn’t enough.

I searched for answers, I started to blame external things to explain my frustration. The culture wasn’t warm enough. The weather wasn’t hot enough, the boyfriends wasn’t passionate enough…

One day, I bought a blue notebook.

Gave it the cheesy name of “Realizing projects and making dreams come true”. 

I had to figure who I was. What I wanted. I was working in marketing and figured I had to redefine my brand, so to speak.

Transform my experience into learning. Focus and make a strategy, instead of consuming life, day after day, with no intention in mind. Map out my own essence.

I set goals. Relationship, health, career… Wrote fifty pages in just a few weeks.

Fast-forward to Mexico, where I did my first sound healing. It’s a sort of lucid dream that brings all your unconscious to the surface.

The following day, I decided to let go of anything that did not align anymore with who I was.

I’ve now learnt to become self-sufficient. To be true to myself  at all times, To speak with no filter. To put myself first. To recenter and listen to my heart. To be unapologetic. To not rely on others for happiness. To focus my time and energy on working towards my goals.

To be "I".

Have you ever lost your “I”?