Say it with a Queen's Letter

queen's letters

I've written a bunch of articles on the topics of "Speaking Up" and realized that it can be difficult to know where to start. Especially when you have felt disrespected, have not been able to react on the spot and keep thinking about it.

The other day, my girlfriend came up with a hilarious & witty concept.

The Queen's Letters.

The concept is simple: when you want to set someone straight, whether a lover, a friend, a colleague or literally anyone who recently messed with you, you prepare a queen's letter. Forget about ghosting.

Here is the template.

- Example 1: X makes promises to do business together but never follows up.

1. Start with kind words that you really mean:

Hey X, I hope that you are well. I really value you as a ... & am looking forward to ... project.

2. Say it straight out:

But I'm writing to you to inform you that in order to build a professional relationship with me, I require trustworthiness and reliability. You have not followed up on the project several times so am kindly asking you to only promise what you can execute on.

3. Warning (optional)

If you can't come to terms with this, we won't be able to work together.

4. Add something gentle & close:

If you're still in, please let me know if we can finally set a straight date for our meeting. Take care, talk soon


- Example 2: X tells his friends that you're hitting on him.

1. Start with kind words that you really mean (the shit sandwich):

"Hey X, hope you're well, just to clarify things: you're a great friend and I consider you as being part of my close circle of people that I respect and trust.

2. Say it straight out:

But I am 0% attracted to you and never have been / will be.

3. Add something gentle & close:

Sorry if you misunderstood my behavior. If you have any question, feel free to reach out to me directly, thanks!"


- Example 3: X is dating you but has been disrespectful on various occasion

1. Start with kind words that you really mean (the shit sandwich):

"Hey X, you know I really like you.

2. Say it straight out (mention what happened if need be, sometimes guys don't realize consequences of what they say/do):

I was thinking about what happened earlier today & you have crossed the line with insensitive behavior. In order to be with me, I require positive language/attitude moving forward".

3. Add something gentle & close:

Call me if you want to talk more.

Note: the amount of gentle Vs straightforward words really depends on your communication style.


Queen's letters do the job.

We've cleared the air and set our personal and professional boundaries various times using this technique. Surround yourself with people who respect you and care about you.

Try it out and let me know how it went in the comments below ;)