Posts tagged love
Maintaining Self-Confidence in the Modeling Industry
Vanessa Rebello

I met Vanessa on a photoshoot in Portugal. She was beautiful and appeared self-confident.

We quickly exchanged our Instagrams profiles. As I scrolled through her page, I noticed that she was writing long captions about strength, self-confidence and gratitude.

I asked her what led her to this mindset. Because no matter how stunning you look, it is difficult to maintain a high self-confidence in the modeling industry, where your worth is mainly based on your appearance and you face lots of rejections.

Here’s our interview:

You Don’t See the World as it Is, You See the World as You Are
— Vanessa, Model & Psychologist

1. Vanessa, you are a Model and Psychologist. What is your perspective on beauty?

“For me, beauty has much more to do with the inside, with how you truly feel about yourself. I mean, if I don’t love who I am, how can I expect others to? I believe that we are beings of energy, so we can be absolutely stunning on the outside (though there’s no such thing as universal beauty), but if we have a bad attitude, if we don’t believe in ourselves, if we don’t have confidence, if we aren’t positive, that’s how we will appear to others.

2. How do you define self-Love?

If you asked me what my beauty secret was, I would say: Self-Love, because without that, we can’t go anywhere, or at least we can’t go anywhere and be happy. For me beauty is all about that: in order to love others, we have to love ourselves first, and by loving ourselves, we are teaching others how they should treat us.


3. You talk a lot about gratitude. How did you find your inner peace?

Since I was born, my parents worked a lot, and had to find me an (almost) full time nanny. To make up for the lack of time for taking care of me, they made the mistake that a lot of parents do: Gave me everything. I say that it was a mistake because I didn’t have the chance to learn how to fight for things, I had absolutely everything I wanted and I didn’t learn how to take a “No” for an answer. That type of behavior led me to grow up as an ungrateful person, I used to take everything for granted.

I never judged my parents for not being with me 24/7 because I knew that they really had to work for me and my brother to have a better life, and nowadays, we have a lot of time together. I changed a few years ago and turned into a grateful person, grateful for everything I had, I can’t tell you exactly when or why I started to switch my perception of reality. I guess I just matured … 

4. How do you use social media?

Social media is not all about beautiful pictures, beautiful plates of food and tumblr quotes that mostly don’t even fit the person who’s posting them … I use my social media for much more than that!

First of all, absolutely everything I post it’s from my heart, it’s not a cute quote that I find somewhere and that is socially cool to write. When I write a quote, from anywhere, it’s because I truly believe in those words. I try everyday to pass on to my followers the way I see and live life, the way I see people, the way I believe the world can be a better place.

I just want to free people from hatred. Do you realize what a game changer this would be if people hated less and loved more, especially themselves? I meet too many people more worried about criticizing others and letting them down, than empowering them. The thing is they do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their own character.


5. Who were you before starting modeling? How did you feel?
I had a few friends, never liked to go out much, slept early and always dreamed to be a model. I felt happy but knew something was missing, I always knew what my passion was and I always knew that someday I would run after it and then when I turned 18 I did … and here I am.

6. What led you into this business?
My passion. It’s all about it. It’s all about how it makes me feel, how my blood races every time I’m working.

I can tell you a true story that happened to me almost 3 years ago and gave me the absolutely certainty that I had to go after my dream at all costs: I have only had 2 boyfriends: the first one was my first love back when I was a kid, we all know how it feels. But with the second one, we stayed together for almost 8 years and when it was over, I saw my life falling apart, I could barely breath, sleep or eat, I just cried non stop. I was feeling this inexplicable pain, I looked into my eyes and prayed for God to stop this. How could it hurt me so much since it wasn't even physical? One night, I remember looking at the window and thinking how easy would it be to end that pain. And the next day, I had this one modeling job and was crying at home and telling my best friend I didn’t want to go. I ended up going and guess what? While I was shooting, my pain just went away. I didn’t feel anything except how blessed I was for being able to live my dream job.

That was what literally made me feel alive. That’s the day I decided I’d do anything in my power to relive that.

7. Tell me about the number 8 and its meaning to you.
The number 8 is the bad luck number of me and my family. I once had a sister (I wasn’t born yet so I didn’t know her) who got really sick and died a few days later on the 8th. My brother and mum both got cancer and knew about it on the 8th. I had an uncle that had cancer too and died on the 8th. And my father had 2 accidents and both of them were on the 8th.

So, neither of us make important decisions, go on long trips, nor make doctor appointments or anything important on an “8th”.

Is it a coincidence? I really don’t think so … 

8. Which specific moment or event has been a turning point for you to decide to be more grateful, strong and positive like you are now?

Like I said, I don’t know exactly when I became more grateful, but I can tell you when I started loving myself and when I achieved complete self-love, because those were 2 different stages for me.

I started loving myself when my last relationship was over and I hit the bottom.

I hit the bottom because I loved him more than I loved me, and I think that’s the real problem. I told you I had 2 boyfriends until now and it’s true, but in my life I loved 3 persons, and one of them was so … overwhelming, and so intense, and so strong … That I forgot about me. I ignored my values and my principles to be with that person. I always loved more others (and I’m talking about friends too) than myself and once again, I was loving him more than me.

One day, I just woke up, and I told to myself “What the hell is this?”. “Why am I accepting something less than I deserve?”. On that same day, I said it’s over and it was. On that same day, I started to value myself more than anything, I put my standards right where they belonged, so high no one was capable to reach them. No boy, no friend, no one. I can say I can count on one hand the people who really matter to me, and I can say that I don’t complete the 5 fingers of a hand without counting my family. Those are my people, the people I care about the most, my home team, the only ones I love as much as I love myself, nothing more, nothing less. 

It was a smooth transition in a way that I didn’t force it, it just happened overnight, but a painful too because the whole reason of it almost killed me.

10. What helped/helps you overcome challenges?

When I became aware of my value and gained complete self-love, I became so strong, like a bulletproof mind. Now, when I have a challenge and I accept it, I do everything to get it right, but if I don’t it’s okay, I think that people and opportunities always come when you are ready for them, if they don’t come or they don’t go as you wanted, it’s because it was not the right time. I trust this a lot.

11. Looking back at your turning point, what have you learnt from it?

I learned so much, so much that I don't wish that hadn't happened to me. I’m glad it did because it made me grow, it made me a stronger human being, it made me unstoppable. I learned that there is nothing more volatile than people. I learned that you can’t put your life and happiness in the hands of others. I learned that you have to be grateful for whatever comes to you, for everything you have, for your family, for your real friends. I learned not to give credit to negative people nor let them bring me down. But most of all, I learned to love myself and believe in myself at 100%, and this is priceless. 

12. How do you define success?

I don’t believe that success is achieving your goal, I believe that success is how much you expand in the process, and if it makes you really happy, then you are successful. Most people aren’t happy in my industry because success brings a lot of exposure, that leads to judgments, and not a lot of models are ready to deal with that so I think that if you can’t handle being talked about, lied to and disliked, then you’re not ready to be successful in any business. Life is too short to waste any time wondering what other people think about you.

In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others opinions of me, but my opinion of myself. My advice is for you to develop a strong opinion about yourself so that you don’t accidentally start believing what others say about you.

13. What is your vision of the fashion world and the way it has shaped you?

I think that the fashion industry is already changing for better. They don’t ask for anorexic girls anymore, or at least not as often as before, they gave plus models a place in the industry, they start to value “real women”, and everyday I see the industry becoming more “realistic”, but of course they have much more to do!

I’m not expecting to change the fashion world, I used to say “I don’t made the game, I just play it” and this is true.

If I want to be a model, I have to be skinny, I have to take care of my skin, of my body, I have to go to commercial board at an agency because fashion board is for tall women (which for industry is above 175cm), so I can’t do catwalk because they see me as “too short” for it.

Now you can ask me: You do all of that because you want to be a model? And my answer is: No. I do all of that because I already did it before I became a model. I always loved the skinny type and worked for it even when people said that “big booty and strong legs rule", I always loved to take care of my skin and my body. I don't like to do catwalks so I don’t really mind that the industry doesn’t let me to, unless it’s Victoria’s Secret, every girl dreams about it right? It’s magical! So for me it’s cool, I don’t change my self to be a model, but what I constantly see is girls changing herselves to fit the industry and a lot of times they get sick, they start to consume drugs, they do everything to enter to this world but what’s the point of being anything if it costs your peace? Your dignity? Your health? I think in that case, it’s too expensive.

I wish that people loved themselves more because if they did, they wouldn't allow a lot of situations, they wouldn’t put themselves in bad places so often and they would value their dignity, which is something that unfortunately is underrated nowadays. I personally lost a lot of opportunities because I preferred to stick with my values and dignity than getting that one job … but I don’t see that in others, I’ve seen pacts with the devil so many times … 

15. Through your work, which overall message do you want to pass on to others?

I think that one of the best advices I can give to people is to be the type of person that they would want to meet. Energy is all about reciprocation, if you have positive energy you attract positive things and people. Be kind, but be truly kind, because nowadays everyone claims to be a kind person just because they do something for someone, but if you’re helping someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business, not kindness.

16. In one sentence in Portuguese, what is your personal slogan and what does it mean to you?

It’s quite difficult to choose just one but I will choose the first that came to my mind and the one I tell people more often: “Tu não vês o mundo como ele é, tu vês o mundo como tu és”, in english it means something like this “You don’t see the world as it is, you see the world as you are”. That quote means a lot to me, because when I started to love myself 100% and be grateful, the world changed in front of my eyes, became more incredible, more magical, more positive. The way you see yourself is the very first step for the way you see others, and this is powerful

Do What you Love / Interviewing Chase Keith

Turns out I was living with Chase Keith's sisters during my stay in Venice, earlier this year.

Chase is hilarious and cute & I have to say I'm pretty impressed at how quickly he managed to build his success online, gathering over 2 million subscribers across different platforms in just a few years and at only 15.

I grabbed him for a quick chat as he came over, and asked him how he became an influencer, what kickstarted his career and what continually drives him to be so active on social media...

Watch now!

Say it with a Queen's Letter
queen's letters

I've written a bunch of articles on the topics of "Speaking Up" and realized that it can be difficult to know where to start. Especially when you have felt disrespected, have not been able to react on the spot and keep thinking about it.

The other day, my girlfriend came up with a hilarious & witty concept.

The Queen's Letters.

The concept is simple: when you want to set someone straight, whether a lover, a friend, a colleague or literally anyone who recently messed with you, you prepare a queen's letter. Forget about ghosting.

Here is the template.

- Example 1: X makes promises to do business together but never follows up.

1. Start with kind words that you really mean:

Hey X, I hope that you are well. I really value you as a ... & am looking forward to ... project.

2. Say it straight out:

But I'm writing to you to inform you that in order to build a professional relationship with me, I require trustworthiness and reliability. You have not followed up on the project several times so am kindly asking you to only promise what you can execute on.

3. Warning (optional)

If you can't come to terms with this, we won't be able to work together.

4. Add something gentle & close:

If you're still in, please let me know if we can finally set a straight date for our meeting. Take care, talk soon

_________________

- Example 2: X tells his friends that you're hitting on him.

1. Start with kind words that you really mean (the shit sandwich):

"Hey X, hope you're well, just to clarify things: you're a great friend and I consider you as being part of my close circle of people that I respect and trust.

2. Say it straight out:

But I am 0% attracted to you and never have been / will be.

3. Add something gentle & close:

Sorry if you misunderstood my behavior. If you have any question, feel free to reach out to me directly, thanks!"

_______________________

- Example 3: X is dating you but has been disrespectful on various occasion

1. Start with kind words that you really mean (the shit sandwich):

"Hey X, you know I really like you.

2. Say it straight out (mention what happened if need be, sometimes guys don't realize consequences of what they say/do):

I was thinking about what happened earlier today & you have crossed the line with insensitive behavior. In order to be with me, I require positive language/attitude moving forward".

3. Add something gentle & close:

Call me if you want to talk more.

Note: the amount of gentle Vs straightforward words really depends on your communication style.

Voilà!

Queen's letters do the job.

We've cleared the air and set our personal and professional boundaries various times using this technique. Surround yourself with people who respect you and care about you.

Try it out and let me know how it went in the comments below ;)

 

What if I Ran Away?
ranaway

If I ran away... Would you catch me?


Would you hold on to what we commenced?


Would you take my hand to explore what the world wants us to see?
Would you let your soul expand from new perspectives & your body shudder under my breath?
Would you let me take you to the steepest mountain, the darkest forest, the gleamiest sea?
Would you let my passion devour you endlessly?
Would you become the person you were afraid to be?


Or would you let me go?

Pretending that put a shell on a long time ago.
Pretending that you never felt anything more than lust.

Pretending that it was impossible between us?

Never Lose Your I
DSC00333.JPG

I’ve always been passionate. It might be due to my French roots.

In love, I used to fall deep. I’d start doodling or writing poems when I’d have a guy on my mind.

In friendship, I’d be fusional. I could spend the whole day with my best friend, workout with her, go grocery shopping, and then we’d call each other for another hour or two when we’d get home.

At school or work, I had to be the number one.  

I could eat my favorite food until my tongue bled (thank you fizzy candies :)).

I would listen to my favorite song 20x a day until I get tired of it.

Basically, I could fall into obsession just as quickly as I could let go of it.

Once I’d get bored by someone, disgusted by something or mastered a skill, it'd be game over.

I’ve always needed novelty in my life, felt the need to float from one experience to another.

Until I met that my first true love...  A pure fairytale like a Romeo and Juliet story.

Different countries.

Different languages.

Different culture.

It was clearly impossible between us, but I was up for the challenge. I put all my focus on it. 

He was the only thing that mattered and I lived of love alone.

He made me the happiest but quickly enough, that happiness became dependent on him.

I followed him to his country, put my dream of New York, my family and friends behind, signed the first contract I could get and started from scratch.

I started to neglect other parts of my life. To lose track of who I was.

Realized that love wasn’t enough.

I searched for answers, I started to blame external things to explain my frustration. The culture wasn’t warm enough. The weather wasn’t hot enough, the boyfriends wasn’t passionate enough…

One day, I bought a blue notebook.

Gave it the cheesy name of “Realizing projects and making dreams come true”. 

I had to figure who I was. What I wanted. I was working in marketing and figured I had to redefine my brand, so to speak.

Transform my experience into learning. Focus and make a strategy, instead of consuming life, day after day, with no intention in mind. Map out my own essence.

I set goals. Relationship, health, career… Wrote fifty pages in just a few weeks.

Fast-forward to Mexico, where I did my first sound healing. It’s a sort of lucid dream that brings all your unconscious to the surface.

The following day, I decided to let go of anything that did not align anymore with who I was.

I’ve now learnt to become self-sufficient. To be true to myself  at all times, To speak with no filter. To put myself first. To recenter and listen to my heart. To be unapologetic. To not rely on others for happiness. To focus my time and energy on working towards my goals.

To be "I".

Have you ever lost your “I”?