Posts tagged networking
Say it with a Queen's Letter
queen's letters

I've written a bunch of articles on the topics of "Speaking Up" and realized that it can be difficult to know where to start. Especially when you have felt disrespected, have not been able to react on the spot and keep thinking about it.

The other day, my girlfriend came up with a hilarious & witty concept.

The Queen's Letters.

The concept is simple: when you want to set someone straight, whether a lover, a friend, a colleague or literally anyone who recently messed with you, you prepare a queen's letter. Forget about ghosting.

Here is the template.

- Example 1: X makes promises to do business together but never follows up.

1. Start with kind words that you really mean:

Hey X, I hope that you are well. I really value you as a ... & am looking forward to ... project.

2. Say it straight out:

But I'm writing to you to inform you that in order to build a professional relationship with me, I require trustworthiness and reliability. You have not followed up on the project several times so am kindly asking you to only promise what you can execute on.

3. Warning (optional)

If you can't come to terms with this, we won't be able to work together.

4. Add something gentle & close:

If you're still in, please let me know if we can finally set a straight date for our meeting. Take care, talk soon

_________________

- Example 2: X tells his friends that you're hitting on him.

1. Start with kind words that you really mean (the shit sandwich):

"Hey X, hope you're well, just to clarify things: you're a great friend and I consider you as being part of my close circle of people that I respect and trust.

2. Say it straight out:

But I am 0% attracted to you and never have been / will be.

3. Add something gentle & close:

Sorry if you misunderstood my behavior. If you have any question, feel free to reach out to me directly, thanks!"

_______________________

- Example 3: X is dating you but has been disrespectful on various occasion

1. Start with kind words that you really mean (the shit sandwich):

"Hey X, you know I really like you.

2. Say it straight out (mention what happened if need be, sometimes guys don't realize consequences of what they say/do):

I was thinking about what happened earlier today & you have crossed the line with insensitive behavior. In order to be with me, I require positive language/attitude moving forward".

3. Add something gentle & close:

Call me if you want to talk more.

Note: the amount of gentle Vs straightforward words really depends on your communication style.

Voilà!

Queen's letters do the job.

We've cleared the air and set our personal and professional boundaries various times using this technique. Surround yourself with people who respect you and care about you.

Try it out and let me know how it went in the comments below ;)

 

Life is a Domino Effect
Estimated reading time: 2'30

Estimated reading time: 2'30

As I was visiting LA for interviews, I caught up with a friend who had just directed his own short film.

We chatted about his passion for movies.  

- "I have always been interested in the movie industry, but originally on a superficial level. I did a couple plays in high school, and one day a friend introduced to a photographer who took some model shots of me, which led me to job opportunities. He was showing the pictures to agents who would say "Who's that guy?'. It was a snowball effect, that contact led me to participating in dating shows, commercials, a telenovela... Until I acted in a movie. I realised this was what I wanted to do with my life.

At that time, I was 29, about to turn 30, and felt that I was drowning, back in Miami. When I decided to leave for good, my girlfriend wouldn't believe it because I was talking about it for so long, and she had been holding me back. But I did not have the patience to wait for her to follow me anymore, so I packed everything and drove away.

At first I was naive, shy and not acclimated to the Californian culture. I did not have this laid-back mentality as I came from Miami where people have the latino blood. I did not know anyone and did not know about the bar diving culture as a way to meet people. One friend introduced me to it, and from then on, I created my network, which led me to more opportunities, by word-of-mouth.

I started to take things more seriously and work towards my goal: I took acting classes, got myself an agent and decided to move to Hollywood. But it wasn't it. I did commercials for 10 years, and nothing major happened,

I wasn't focused. I wasn't trying hard enough.

So as things evolved and as I started to believe in myself more and try harder, I got into a couple more movies and music videos, first as an extra, and then as small parts. Now, just like Ben Affleck and Matt Damond did, I've decided to take it to another level and show Casting Directors a product. So I drafted my own script, and teamed-up with friends to do a short film, in which I could display different facettes of my acting skills.

I truly believe that everything in life happens when it is supposed to. There is a domino effect. I worked in a certain bar, met certain people etc, which led me to where I am now. I still have a long way to go, but if you had told me that I would be an actor in Hollywood when I was 18, I would have thought you were crazy.

There is an expression saying that if you keep looking at the sky, you won't see obstacles. My dream is to have an Oscar, and that's what I keep in mind everyday. I won't give up, no matter difficulties, and no matter the time it will take, until I finally hold it in my hands".