Posts tagged relationships
Never Lose Your I
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I’ve always been passionate. It might be due to my French roots.

In love, I used to fall deep. I’d start doodling or writing poems when I’d have a guy on my mind.

In friendship, I’d be fusional. I could spend the whole day with my best friend, workout with her, go grocery shopping, and then we’d call each other for another hour or two when we’d get home.

At school or work, I had to be the number one.  

I could eat my favorite food until my tongue bled (thank you fizzy candies :)).

I would listen to my favorite song 20x a day until I get tired of it.

Basically, I could fall into obsession just as quickly as I could let go of it.

Once I’d get bored by someone, disgusted by something or mastered a skill, it'd be game over.

I’ve always needed novelty in my life, felt the need to float from one experience to another.

Until I met that my first true love...  A pure fairytale like a Romeo and Juliet story.

Different countries.

Different languages.

Different culture.

It was clearly impossible between us, but I was up for the challenge. I put all my focus on it. 

He was the only thing that mattered and I lived of love alone.

He made me the happiest but quickly enough, that happiness became dependent on him.

I followed him to his country, put my dream of New York, my family and friends behind, signed the first contract I could get and started from scratch.

I started to neglect other parts of my life. To lose track of who I was.

Realized that love wasn’t enough.

I searched for answers, I started to blame external things to explain my frustration. The culture wasn’t warm enough. The weather wasn’t hot enough, the boyfriends wasn’t passionate enough…

One day, I bought a blue notebook.

Gave it the cheesy name of “Realizing projects and making dreams come true”. 

I had to figure who I was. What I wanted. I was working in marketing and figured I had to redefine my brand, so to speak.

Transform my experience into learning. Focus and make a strategy, instead of consuming life, day after day, with no intention in mind. Map out my own essence.

I set goals. Relationship, health, career… Wrote fifty pages in just a few weeks.

Fast-forward to Mexico, where I did my first sound healing. It’s a sort of lucid dream that brings all your unconscious to the surface.

The following day, I decided to let go of anything that did not align anymore with who I was.

I’ve now learnt to become self-sufficient. To be true to myself  at all times, To speak with no filter. To put myself first. To recenter and listen to my heart. To be unapologetic. To not rely on others for happiness. To focus my time and energy on working towards my goals.

To be "I".

Have you ever lost your “I”?
If it Doesn't Feel Right, it Probably Isn't
Estimated reading time: 3'

Estimated reading time: 3'

 

We've all seen a lot of publications around sexual harassment, sexual abuse, and general disrespect of women lately, with the #Metoo campaign.

I come a little bit late in the game, but I am tired of witnessing red flags and seeing men behaving like predators. I am tired of having to stand up for myself as a woman, having to set limits because they've been crossed, and having to comfort my girlfriends for the same reasons.

So I've decided to share a few examples of red flags (true stories), from my experience, from soft to risky:

Situation 1: you are on a date. Your date spends more time looking at your breast and your bottom when you turn around, rather than listening to your conversation. And when a bunch of girls passes you, he literally turns his head back. No surprise there. Oh and in case you wondered, it was not a Tinder date. And I did not wear revealing clothes.

Situation 2: you walk up the street with heavy bags from the supermarket. A car stops. The dude asks you to come closer so he can talk to you... You naively think he wants to offer his help. Instead, he tells you (warning - raw language): "Don't move, I will come back to break your legs and lick your pussy until you scream". You're so confused you forget to note down his license plate.

Situation 3: you are interviewing for a job. The HR advises you to not look under the table. 

Situation 4: you apply for a model gig and meet the 70 y.old manager in a cafe. He asks for your cup size for the bikini you are going to wear, and before you have time to answer, he swiftly grabs your breasts to "measure himself". 

Situation 5: you book a massage online. Turns out the massage takes place in a private home, and the therapist spends an awkwardly long amount of time massaging your upper thighs. 

Situation 6: you are in a cab in Mexico, middle of the jungle, no network and no soul in the streets. The car driver puts his hand on your leg. You push him away and pray.

I have experienced a million small situations like that. But despite the red flags, I kept going for it. I saw this guy again, I kept seeking those jobs, I stayed in the car.

And worse, most times, I did not speak up.

Why? Low self-esteem? Probably. Fear of making the other person uncomfortable? Definitely. 

At the moment, I knew exactly what to do, I knew exactly what to say. I was screaming inside of my head.

But I got paralyzed. Shame was taking over. I thought I had misunderstood. It thought it was not real.

Earlier in January, three of my friends confessed having been raped.

But that's not what shocked me the most.

What shocked me the most was that they KEPT HANGING OUT with the predators. They did not see themselves as victims.

They blamed themselves for not having known better.

For having accepted their drinks.

For having trusted them to take care of them and respect them as they were saying no. As they were crying. After they blacked out.

And the only thing they wanted to do in the morning was to hide away and pretend it did not happen.

A pure walk of shame. 

So I am begging you ladies to go ahead and speak up. And if you can't do it on the spot, it is never too late. Trust your instincts. Remove toxic people from your life. Respect yourself and do not let anyone enter your intimacy without your consent.

There are too many stories of disrespect towards women, abuse, and sexual harassment.

My trick is to count the red flags:

- One red flag: be on your toes. Speak up.

- Two red flags: just walk away.

If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Which red flags do you look for?
Invest In Yourself
Estimated reading time: 4'

Estimated reading time: 4'

The night I met my new roommate, I had just lost my job and was overly anxious.

After exchanging a few introductions, he told me that he had a lot of energy and could share some with me, preparing a “ball of energy” between his hands — if you can picture that. He approached me and asked to put his hand on my chest. Caught unaware, I accepted. 

After 3 or 4 deep breaths though, and without completely understanding how, I suddenly felt much better, like relieved of a weight...

Intrigued, I asked him if this “energy thing” was magical.

"- I did not believe in this either at first!

- So how did you get introduced to it?

- A few years ago, I started a pursuit of enlightment. I wasn’t a cool kid growing up. I was shy, not good at dating or with friends. I thought I’d have to live with that, that this was engrained in me. Until I learnt that it was possible to master social dynamics, and alter my own energy and vibration. I have learnt certain tricks: eye contact, charisma, confidence, body energy… Those are skills that you can train, like leadership.

In 2014, I had a depression, I felt that I was trapped, hiding behind a mask so friend recommended that I'd go to a landmark farm. It is a transformational workshop consisting in deep psychological work, that helps people break out of their limited beliefs in a group.

This was succesful so I tried other things. I've learned about chakras, I've participated in "Interchange", a counseling program, and the "Authentic Man Program", which teaches you the masculine/feminine dynamics. I've been to naked camps, where everybody opens up and gives love to each other, freely, without the constraint of clothes. I also do daily meditation and yoga for body awareness and have a Tantra lifestyle, which helps being conscious of my energy and the ones of my partners.

There's also the orgasmic meditation. It is another group experience during which you meditate and stroke other people while focusing on body awareness, rather than seeing it as a sexual experience. I used to not be attuned to my "energy body" so this was a vulnerable experience that unlocked emotions the first time: I cried for the first time in 20 years. In other words, you can compare this experience to the healing of your inner child. It also improves your relationships to others. The male gives, and the female receives. Once you do this, you break a lot of fears when it comes to approaching women...

Another impactful experience I've had was with psychedelics: LSD, mushrooms, Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca is made from a vine in the Amazon forest — it's cooked and you drink its sludgy liquid, while a shaman calls in the spirit. You feel that "Loving Mother Earth Spirit" enters your body, to heal you psychologically, spiritually and emotionally. You start having visions and puke out energetic patterns. It shows you what you need to see, for example, the next steps you need to take for your company. That's why Ayahuasca is known as the "CEO drug".

I personally had visions of my dad, whom I hadn't seen in 3 years. I bought a plane ticket to meet him and resolve our issues and forgive him. He passed away the following week.

- How can this be explained?

- All those experiences are created by you, your brain in the end, but set up by those activities. You cannot "pretend". Especially the ahayuaska that really gives you very strong body reactions, it is difficult to imagine that it is only the brain making things up.

Also I've once been asked to hold a kryptonite, not knowing the effect it would have on my body. And suddenly I started to feel extremely warm and had to undress, to then learn that kryptonites are full of energy, which spreads into you as you touch them.

- So do you feel like you are done with all those experiences, or are you still in quest for spirituality?

- There are no limits to human capacities, I've grown faster than I ever had, I am on an accelerating ramp. There's always the next workshop to attend, the next article or book to read.

- What have you learned so far?

- That the number one priority as as human is spiritual awakening, not money. I used to be cheap — now I'd rather invest in myself and it is paying off, I am much happier, self confident and can have intimate connections and experiences. The Universe is not random, there is a master plan, and everything is happening FOR us not TO us, so we have to listen to the signs, listen to our bodies and be present, in order to achieve enlightment".